*Rummaging through Lestat’s office, trying to find a notepad in the desk as his laptop flashes on, inviting me to commit my thoughts to its electronic memory. My fingers tapping at the keys before my body settles into his huge leather chair*

Have you ever loved someone so much that you’d do anything in your power to calm their fears, to make them happy, to just simply love them?

That is how I love that damn vampire. Whatever it is he has done to me all I know is that when it is all said and done, I have loved him like no other. Loved him enough to learn to love those that mean the most to him and through him I have learned to see life around me from a different perspective.  I have learned to love his vampire children through his eyes not my own.

My eyes… my eyes would only see the destruction to life they bring to others who otherwise would fall victim to me. Others with souls so dark no doubt I would claim them as my own. But through him I have seen the friendships, admiration and love they have for each other. I have lived their memories as if they where my own. I have sired each of them through his eyes and fangs. I have felt them feed from me at the memories of their first feed from him.  My blood may not flow through them but his blood flows through me and in it I have lived all his years, thoughts, fears and loves; and he loves them.

Each holds a special place within him but none is like Nicolas. The guilt and love he feels for him torments me as it does him. I have feared for Nicolas as if he was my child not Lestat’s. Our child, our children *chuckles* well it is as close as we will ever be to having one from our own blood. And he loves them so much… as much as I love him… love that has lead me to offer my love a binding contract without his knowledge or consent. A contract with Aosoth but instead of it being his soul for payment it may be mine; still Nicolas has been returned to his rightful age in strength. He will no longer be a “young one” as Armand so loves to call him, from the moment Eitan’s flamed hand sealed our deal Nicolas became that which he should have always been… his maker’s second child, the second born of our vampire children.

My child Nicolas dé Lenfent, my second born….

Myself drenched in blood, that is what I saw as I sat there and watched him sleep. I think I lied when I said I didn’t want to kill him because sure as hell I wanted to take it to that point the other night. *sighs*

I had missed him so much that the sight of him as his feet landed only unleashed the emptiness within me and all I wanted was his blood, to cause him the pain I’d been hiding from others, been keeping even from myself. *rubs forehead* I wanted to drink him in, bathe myself in his blood anything to feel him closer.

Anything to silence the wolf that lay weeping in the arms of demons; oh Dark Lord I almost drained him. *closes eyes as tongue slithers out to lick lips*

Almost took him completely into myself, almost took back my heart and blood. *shakes head* And he just let me…

He let me straddle him, hold him down and drink from him as if he was one of my kills. Each drop that flowed into me bringing him closer, each draught bringing an ecstasy no other demon could ever give me. I think I’ve finally lost my mind… I would give anything to protect him but what protects him from me and my rages, my ever growing jealousy, the wolf’s need for her mate, the demon’s need of theirs.

And he just calls it a blood offense. *looks around the red tainted room & chuckles* A blood offense in deed…  *furrows brows* but if I am not careful my next offense will be against Bane and that one will not end with the same ecstasy, but in the possible loss of a friend and the ire of a God.

Dark Lord help me.

Jim Brickman – Love of My Life

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/JuwrESEgibs?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&hd=1

Westlife – I Do

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/v/4TjO9_B85YI?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&hd=1

From Aosoth & Lestat de Lioncourt

Every once in a while you have to stop and look around, curiosity maybe or just the plain need to know why and where you stand right now.  Just stop, step back and take in all you have become from what you once where to that which you will be in the future; depending on what you see, you can decide to move forward or step back.

As a demon there are very few moral codes I stick to, most are just self imposed but as a wolf there are many not even the demons in me dare to broach.  I am mated to a wolf, not just any wolf but one that also happens to be a vampire. You’ll have to read back to see how that came about but, lets just say I had a need and well he and my parents loved me enough to grant me that which a part of me desperately needed…, my equal.

Now here I stand looking around our bedroom and I recall the first time I ever laid on this bed, his bed, our bed.  The memories all wonderful even during those moments when fought; which reminds me, I have to start a new argument soon so we can do all the making up afterwards.  *Fangy grin*

But this bed, this wonderful bed, now covered in blood and broken beyond repair will take with it the memories of our joinings.  Memories of a demon joining a vampire, memories of him meeting Aosoth in her true form as he loved not just my body but my souls, her mistying through him during our climax and, memories of feeding him my fiery blood as he fed me his. Most importantly, it will take with it the memory of our mating; not even that blood was enough to ruin this bed; I think we may have over done it this time. *chuckles at the sight of the plantation bed in pieces*  Well what would you have done if you had been teased and tormented beyond your limit while tied to the bed’s posts? At least I wasn’t the one who broke the headboard for holding on to it for leverage. Think the wolf was trying to push the vampire’s entire body inside of me…*Roars in laughter, then stops wincing at the wonderful soreness between the legs*

Damnit we broke the bed… our bed, only his and mine, none other but ours. Whomever came before me in it is of no consequence to either of us nor is who may come after; it was and will always be just “the during.”  During the moments my claws dug deep into the wood, during the moments we tied each other to the posts, during the moments he levitated us off the mattress as the flames danced beneath us…, always just the during.  And now he leaves it up to me to select our new bed, but how in the hell do you pick a bed for Lestat de Lioncourt; one that meets his love for the old, love for plantation beds and which meets all his other standards?  Me? I could just as easily sleep on the floor as long as I lay on his chest. Maybe a smaller model will do but one that will fit the ever growing Bebe.  *Looks around the room again* Maybe three separate rooms? One decorated to his taste, one for mine and the other neutral for the both of us?

*Shakes head* When did I start caring for beds again?

Ah yes, it was around the time I met him *smiles* it was right around when I decided that no other will ever lay in bed with me. Oh don’t get me wrong, we have a bed in our playroom and whatever happens there to whomever crosses our paths will stay there but into this bed chamber, our suite, no other mortal or immoral other than our children will ever lay in this bed with us. To this we have both seen fit and I, through my demon ways have made sure of it.  I will never disrespect him or allow him to disrespect me when it comes to this; he is my alpha just as I am his and this is our wolves’ den… sacred, private and only meant for the two who have mated; everyone else outside of here is just a momentary carnal pleasure that always leads us back into each others arms and our bed. *Thinks a moment & grins* Or wherever we catch each other but always just and only us. *Chuckles*

How did I get here and where am I going?

I got here because the Fates opened us to each other. I got here because I refused to follow the path of other demons, jumping from one to another just simply because I knew I could, but never knowing where my bed was or if I even had one.

As to where I am going?

For now all I can tell you is that I am going to go purchase a new bed for my mate and I to create new memories in.  How long that bed will survive the White Wolf and his Lady, well that is only for the Fates to know and him and me to find out. *winks*

~Aosoth

“… keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things…” – Walt Disney

Life is a never ending sphere that continues to roll down a hill until it meets the force that puts an end to its tumble, but at times it jumps over that barrier and continues to move forward though slightly scraped and somewhat worn out. 

Such is life in this realm as I have come to experience it. 

The past couple of weeks I have kept quiet, rarely letting my feelings be known by anyone, even my mate, though I know he feels my pain, anguish and the tears my souls have decided not to shed.  He is my rock (both in RL and in RP) much like Bastiaan is for Celeste.

Our family is changing, for whatever reason this is what the Fates have thrown our way, be it for good or be it for evil, We, My Family are the spheres tumbling down the path of life. Where we end up is anyone’s guess.

Tears will fall, but they will dry. Pain will be felt but this too will pass. The only remaining binds will be the love felt for those we have called Our Family. Some ties are harder to break than the skin which covers our bones and our breaking hearts.

My mate now looks at me much like Bastiaan does Celeste; they worry, they anguish and they fear…. They fear a mother’s heart is breaking, they fear they will have to hold their own pains deep within them without sharing it with us. But we see it every time we look at them, every time they try to smile for us, every time they hold us while we sleep.

Our children are moving on, moving forward, just moving.  Our little koala bear has returned to school and this must be her first priority. We are so very proud of her, we are so very proud of all of them. And soon, another little angel will be leaving us. Whatever the reason, this one is thrice fold in the pain, agony and yes I will admit, even in the anger we have felt these past couple of days.  Anger because the understanding behind this decision is one we lack, but as always we will give our support and send our love with them. 

The doors will always be open and the rooms richly and beautifully adorned, whichever home we inhabit, there will always be vases full of flowers, cookies and a merry-go-round. Tea cup sets and blocks to play with, because love built those rooms and they shall always remain untouched, unblemished and filled with the love that created them.

My mate became a father and I became a mum in those rooms; Celeste & Bastiaan taught us how to carry little fragile souls to bed, while kissing their foreheads good night and now my mate points to the circles around our fingers…, Our never ending spheres much like Celeste’s and Bastiaan’s.  The never ending circles that remind us our lives are tied to each other and we too must keep moving forward as our love reaches out to those we will no longer physically hold to our chest.

Let them all know Our love will always follow them and the blessings they have been to Us and they will forever live in our hearts.

We love you all.

Your moms & dads.

Bastiaan and Celeste  &  Lestat and Aosoth